P4 and gained weight :(

I am R8P4D20 and it hasn't gone as planned. I was about 3 weeks into P3 and stabilizing when I got a respiratory infection and was put on Cipro within a week I was having severe intestinal pain and ended up in the ER and with an alergic reaction the the Cipro that caused intestinal inflammation and diverticulitis. The Dr put me on different antibiotics and the BRAT diet, Bananas Rice, Apple Sauce and Toast. Not at all good for someone trying to stabilize in P3. ALL CARBS. IT is crazy what my head went through. I had spent so much time making sure I was POP on this last round and I was so determined to stabilize in P3 so I could set my weight at 140 instead of 150 where it keeps going back to for the last few years.

Weeks later after another ER visit and more rounds of antibiotic I am up 10 pounds and seem to be stabilizing at 150 :(. I know my health is so much more important than my weight but I have been on this journey for 5 years now and keep reaching for that magic number on the scale that I set in Dec 2010. "135" Oh how you have alluded me. I have gotten down to 140 and even 138 for a day :) but just cant seem to make it to my goal weight of 135. Why is this number so important to me? It was the weight I was when I met my husband and I felt good there. Yes I was in my 20s and I know we I am now in my 50s. It has become an obsession, I just to see if I can get there. My husband and friends tell me how great I look and I know I should be happy at 150 but I feel fluffy and my clothes are uncomfortable and tight. The diverticulitis also causes bloating so I only have a few pair of pants/shorts/Capri that fit comfortably.

I know several of you think I am crazy for complaining and that you would kill to be down to 150 but the struggle is the same at 250 as it is at 150. We all just want to be comfortable in our own skin. I feel my best in the low 140s and my clothes fit well there. I know I could go buy a larger size and I will have to do that but that messes with your head too.

I have had to put my weight loss goal on hold for the rest of this year because I am registered for a 10k in 2 weeks and a half marathon in Oct. so I need to be training and cant be on hCG. You would think I will lose weight in training and it would be nice. Usually I gain because I gain muscle weight. We will see. I am still having issues with intestinal pain occasionally. I still don't know what foods cause the pain yet so I am trying and avoiding different things. So today I am still experimenting with different foods to see what my belly can tolerate and wont cause weight gain. Oh how I miss the days of P2 where everything was POP. I have another round scheduled for Jan. 2016 to once again reach for that magic number 135. What a journey this has been and it continues. Thanks for joining me on this interesting ride.

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